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What is a glass child? -

First coined by Alicia Maples in her 2010 TED Talk, and then repopularized recently on TikTok, the term "glass child" refers to the sibling of a child who has a major disability or illness.

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Unfulfilled needs -

These children often grow up with their needs consistently unmet, because their parents are too busy caring for and meeting the needs of their more disadvantaged sibling.

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The term itself -

"Glass" refers to the way in which parents of a disabled child may "see through" the needs of their other child, since they only have eyes for the disabled child’s needs.

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How they come across -

Glass children often come across as very mature and hyper independent. They often receive praise for being self-reliant and not causing any trouble.

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Challenges -

Unfortunately, this can make it difficult for glass children to reach out when they need support, and they often struggle with perfectionism and setting boundaries.

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Impact on mental health -

Growing up as a glass child can cause feelings of isolation and loneliness, and there are some studies that show glass children are more prone to mental health disorders, such as anxiety and depression.

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Characteristics of glass children -

One of the key characteristics of a glass child is perfectionism. This stems from the child’s recognition that their parents are already under a huge amount of stress.

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Perfectionism -

As a result, they may be concerned with appearing problem-free and therefore feel anxious about matters such as performing well at school.

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Excessive responsibility -

Glass children may also feel that they have to take on more responsibilities than other children their own age, simply because they are more capable than their disabled sibling.

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Excessive responsibility -

As a result, they may start assuming certain care-giving responsibilities and therefore miss out on important normal childhood activities and experiences.

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People-pleasing -

Another common characteristic of glass children is people-pleasing. They often grow up believing that by expressing their own needs they will only ‘rock the boat.’

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People-pleasing -

As a result, glass children are normally the first to give in to others’ demands and they often put the well-being and needs of others above their own.

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Hyper-independence -

Glass children are often hyper-independent; they learn to fend for themselves early on while their parents are preoccupied with their sibling.

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Hyper-independence -

This might mean that they handle tasks such as making their own food very young, or they deal with emotional or social dilemmas without parental guidance.

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Guilt or shame - Finally, it is common for glass children to feel guilty about their accomplishments, because they grow up recognizing that they are able to do more than their sibling.

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Guilt or shame -

This can mean that they don’t celebrate important milestones in their lives, such as getting married, or even feel happy about simpler things, such as landing a great job.

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Parenting a glass child -

If you are the parent of a glass child, there are things you can do to help ensure they are happy and healthy. First up, acknowledge that your child may not be a strong as they appear.

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Acknowledge the problem -

It is important that you don’t let your child’s independence and capable nature convince you nothing is wrong. Often, this is just a coping mechanism.

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Spend quality time -

Next up, make sure to spend enough quality time with your child. Ideally, they should get at least 30 minutes of one-on-one time per day, and one longer activity or event per week.

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Spend quality time -

During your quality time together, reassure your child that they are loved and that making a mistake or having a bad day would never change that.

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Verbalize it -

Indeed, it is very important to verbalize the lessons that you want your child to learn. If you see them internalizing and staying quiet about their needs, speak up.

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Verbalize it -

You might say something like, "I know I’m busy, but I’m not too busy for you. If there is something on your mind, please come and speak to me about it."

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Show it -

You should also show your child how important they are to you whenever you have the opportunity. Ideally you would remind them of that at least once per day.

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Show it -

For example, you might leave them a little note, or have a daily bedtime ritual. These small actions really help kids feel secure.

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Talk about the future -

It is also a good idea to talk about the siblings’ future together. Often, glass children worry about what will happen when you are no longer able to take care of their sibling.

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Talk about the future -

Try to talk about the future in concrete terms and let them know they have options. It is important that your child feels they have control over their own future.

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Encourage a health sibling relationship -

Finally, do your best to encourage a healthy sibling relationship between your children. Time together should be about fun, not care-giving obligations.

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Encourage a healthy sibling relationship -

Remind your glass child that they have no obligation to be a caregiver to their sibling, but that, any time they want, they can be their friend.

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Seek support -

Being the parent or sibling of a disabled or sick child can be very challenging for all involved. However, it is important to remember that there is help available.

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Resources -

There are also plenty of resources out there for people in this situation, although the best resource for a glass child is a secure attachment with at least one of their parents.

Sources: (Verywell Mind) (WikiHow)

See also: A parent's guide to raising emotionally intelligent children

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