Understanding romance fraud and how to avoid it

Since the start of the pandemic in 2020, romance scams like the Tinder Swindler have been on the rise. A report from the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) estimated an 80% increase in romance fraud in 2021 compared to 2020. More than US$1 billion was lost to such cons in the US in 2021 alone. The perpetrators use dating apps like Tinder to get their hooks into innocent people, often those who are most vulnerable, and manipulate them into giving away their money or sharing useful personal information. It's done through the guise of love and romance, making it emotionally devastating as well as a financial nightmare.

This doesn't mean that truly valuable relationships can't be formed through virtual meetings, but it does mean that we need to know how to be smart and protect ourselves online. Click through this gallery to get a better understanding of how romance fraud works, and learn how to avoid it.

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Romance scams -

When it comes to romance scams, similar to the one detailed in the Netflix documentary ‘The Tinder Swindler,’ the scammer adopts a fake online personality to gain someone’s trust. They create the illusion of a romantic relationship in order to steal from their victim.

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Romance scams -

In the vast majority of cases, the entire scam will take place online. But it might seem difficult to believe that anyone could fall for such a trick, after all, who would send money to someone they’ve perhaps never met?

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Expert manipulators - However, the criminals who pull off these kinds of cons are experts at what they do. They know how to seem caring, genuine, and believable. They’re quick on their feet and have a reasonable explanation for every doubt. They usually employ tried-and-tested techniques to build a bond quickly.

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Convenient stories - With most dating apps, your settings match you with people living in your area. In the case of a scammer, there will often be a reason they aren’t nearby or able to meet in person. For example, they might say they're in the military or work as a doctor for an international charity. Whatever it is, they'll probably be abroad for a long time for an impressive reason.

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Excuses to avoid meeting - This will allow them to avoid meeting their victim in person and continue developing the relationship online. They’ll make promises about meeting in the future and how much they’re looking forward to the day they can finally be together, but it will never happen. There will always be an excuse or a delay.

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Manipulation and sympathy -

There will usually also be some kind of difficult life circumstances or emergency. As they get to know their victim and start to form a bond, they will share details about an unfortunate issue they are dealing with, like poor health or family troubles. This helps to evoke sympathy from the victim and create a closer bond. It might also encourage the victim to share their own woes, giving the scammer more ammunition for their manipulation.

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Building the story -

The scammer might even invest some of their own money into the con, for example, sending gifts and flowers to their victim. This is another good excuse to extract sensitive personal information from the victim such as their address and times they may be at home.

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Love bombing -

They will often use “love bombing” as a technique to get closer to their victims. This is a tactic often seen in the early stages of a toxic or abusive relationship. It involves excessive expressions of admiration, love, and affection, usually when you don’t even know each other that well. It can come across as a fairytale sign of love at first sight, but is often an indication of trouble down the line.

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Disarming manipulation -

We’re all human and it can be quite thrilling and intoxicating to be love-bombed. It feels great to be adored, but the heady experience is an effective way to make victims drop their guard and imagine a deep connection with the fraudster.

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Finding "the one" - In many cases, the scammer will create a situation that feels like an incredible, one-in-a-million romance. What fate that two soulmates could find each other through a dating app? And how tragic that they are kept apart by circumstances beyond their control!

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Developing the relationship - This narrative allows the relationship to escalate quickly, and there may even be talk of marriage before they meet in real life. This makes it difficult for the victim to reject a plea for help from their online partner.

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A sudden emergency - There will usually be a detailed story about an unexpected medical emergency or perhaps a legal issue in the foreign country where they supposedly work. The scammer may create a situation where the victim feels like they are responsible for their partner’s life or safety.

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High pressure -

Whether it be a trip to the emergency room or even a hostage situation, they will be asked to send money to help. By this stage, with a love bond created and many plans for the future made, it would seem inconceivably cruel to turn your back on a loved one in such a desperate situation.

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How to stay safe - So, that’s how the kind, open-hearted victims of these scams get sucked in. The question remains: how do you avoid it? Here are some of the top tips provided by experts, from private security companies to the FBI.

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1. Be careful of what information you share online - Scammers will often try to gather as much information about you as possible so they can build their arsenal. The more they know about you as a person, the easier it is for them to gain your trust and manipulate you.

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Don't link to your other profiles - This means it’s probably safer not to link your dating apps to your social media profiles. Whatever info you provide on the app can be supplemented with that from your social media accounts.

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Be sparing with personal information - To go a step further, it’s a good idea not to provide your full name, date of birth, workplace, or any other information that could be used to find you online. They may pretend to have shared interests or friends in common to gain your trust.

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2. Go slowly - When chatting with a new match on a dating app, don’t feel the need to tell them your life story straight away. They might ask you questions about where you work, live, or studied (certain answers might even help them guess your passwords).

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Gaslighting -

They might try to gaslight you and call you paranoid for not wanting to share such information straight away. That’s a red flag. Anyone using a dating app should be respectful of others’ desire to feel comfortable and safe.

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Going offline - There’s also no need to get off the app and start chatting on WhatsApp or social media immediately. It might feel more natural, but it’s better not to share those links to your private life until you feel comfortable with the person.

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3. Background check -

Try searching the info they provide in their profile to see if it has been used elsewhere. For example, if you find the same name and job title with a different photo, that could mean they’ve stolen personal info and photos from different people to create a fake profile.

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Are they who they say they are? -

This is going the extra mile, but you can screenshot someone’s profile pictures and do a reverse image search on Google. It’s easier than it sounds, and it will show you if the photo was stolen from some stock image website or can be found anywhere online associated with a different name than the one they’ve given you.

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4. Recognize the warning signs -

A major red flag for romance scams (or even the less malicious but still dangerous catfishing) is that they make excuses not to meet up. There may be a long-lasting reason they can’t meet, or they frequently make excuses to cancel plans.

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Refusing to show their face -

If the online relationship is developing but they won’t meet in person or video call with you, that’s a sure sign that something is amiss.

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5. NEVER send money -

This might seem obvious, but never ever agree to send someone money or provide personal information like IDs or bank details for any reason. No matter how good the story is, you should never be asked to send money to someone you haven't met.

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6. Speak to someone you trust -

If you've developed a relationship with someone through a dating app but suspect that something is off, reach out to a loved one you know has your best interest at heart. It may help to see if they are concerned about your situation.

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Get some perspective -

A romance scammer will usually try to create an "us against the world" mentality with their victim. It's ideal for them if you become isolated from friends and family, who are more likely to be able to point out inconsistencies and red flags because they aren't caught up in the romance. It's important to notice if a relationship with someone you've never met in person is getting in the way of your relationships with friends and family.

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Don't go through it alone -

It's devastating to be used and manipulated for someone else's financial gain. The victim of a romance scam may feel extremely embarrassed and vulnerable afterward, but they shouldn't be ashamed. The lengths these con artists will go to is truly shocking and anyone could get roped in if they don't catch the warning signs early on. That being said, it can be very hard to trust again after an experience like that. No one should have to go through it alone.

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Lean on those around you -

Someone who has been the victim of romance fraud will need love, support, and understanding from a trusted confidante. They'll need to be able to speak to someone who listens without judgment and doesn't make them feel foolish. In some cases, it may be a good idea to speak to a therapist to help with the recovery.

Sources: (Marie Claire) (Consumer Information) (Vox) (The Guardian)

Understanding romance fraud and how to avoid it

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LIFESTYLE Scams

Since the start of the COVID-19 pandemic in 2020, romance scams like the Tinder Swindler have been on the rise. A report from the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) estimated an 80% increase in romance fraud in 2021 compared to 2020. More than US$1 billion was lost to such cons in the US in 2021 alone. The perpetrators use dating apps like Tinder to get their hooks into innocent people, often those who are most vulnerable, and manipulate them into giving away their money or sharing useful personal information. It's done through the guise of love and romance, making it emotionally devastating as well as a financial nightmare.