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The term -

The term "relationship anarchy" was first coined by Swedish blogger Andie Nordgren in her 2006 essay ‘The Short Instructional Manifesto for Relationship Anarchy.’

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Defining the term -

Best described as a philosophy, relationship anarchy (or RA) is a way of approaching relationships that seeks to do away with traditional societal rules and expectations.

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Beholden to themselves -

People who follow relationship anarchy answer only to themselves, and the people with whom they build relationships, when it comes to deciding how those relationships will look.

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Do away with labels -

Their aim is to build and conduct relationships based on actual needs, wants, and desires, rather than socially accepted labels and expectations.

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Platonic vs. romantic -

Another central aim of RA is to challenge the distinction between traditionally platonic and romantic relationships.

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Prioritization of romance -

Followers of relationship anarchy often reject the prioritization of romantic love, and they believe that it’s harmful to rank relationships based on whether that is present or not.

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What does it all mean? -

You may be wondering how exactly one might practice relationship anarchy; what are the guiding principles for someone wanting to put this philosophy into practice?

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The manifesto -

When Nordgren published her essay in 2006, it included a manifesto with principles to help guide followers in their pursuit of an RA life.

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Love is abundant, and every relationship is unique -

The first principle in the manifesto is that love is not a limited resource. We are all capable of loving multiple people at one time, without it detracting from the love we feel for each.

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Love is abundant, and every relationship is unique -

To put this idea into practice, it is helpful to remind yourself that each relationship is an entirely new creation, and that it must be treated and respected as such.

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Love and respect instead of entitlement -

The second principle states that having a relationship with someone does not give us the right to control or coerce them.

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Love and respect instead of entitlement -

Everyone has the right to autonomy and to act in the way they desire. Relationships do not only become real when one person has to sacrifice a part of themselves for the other.

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Find your core set of relationship values -

The next principle is about defining what we want and need when it comes to our own relationships. It’s about looking deep into ourselves and working out our values.

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Find your core set of relationship values -

As a part of this, we should be ready to let go of relationships that no longer serve us. In this way, we do not compromise on our core values.

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Heterosexism is rampant and out there, but don't let fear lead you -

This principle calls on us to be mindful of the way in which heterosexism can corrupt a person’s ideas about what is right and wrong in a relationship.

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Heterosexism is rampant and out there, but don't let fear lead you -

People should be aware of their own assumptions about what gender means in love and relationships, and work to dismantle them.

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Build for the lovely and unexpected -

This one is a fun one: be more spontaneous. Try not to feel held back by the ‘should's’ or ‘ought to's’ when it comes to conducting your relationships.

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Build for the lovely and unexpected -

Next time you feel the urge to spoil someone special, go for it! Take that impromptu vacation or surprise someone with an unplanned date night.

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Fake it till you make it -

Don’t be fooled: breaking with heterosexist relationship norms is difficult, and it definitely doesn’t happen overnight.

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Fake it till you make it -

Be patient with yourself and allow yourself the space to push through until manifesting RA principles feels like the norm.

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Trust is better -

This one is perhaps easier said than done, but try to be as trusting as possible. Make a conscious decision to believe that your partner wants the best for you.

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Trust is better -

Remind yourself this is a very healthy approach to take: when we go into relationships with a foundation of trust, we do not engage in validation-seeking behaviors that can drive people apart.

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Change through communication -

One of the key pillars of RA is that there should be a constant dialogue between partners. Constant communication is essential to establish how things will function.

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Change through communication -

Bear in mind that without proper communication, people can fall into old norms and end up hurting one another inadvertently.

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Customize your commitments -

Last but not least, customize your commitments. If you want to get married but never have kids, go for it. If you want to live separately but be committed as life partners, crack on.

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Customize your commitments -

Relationship anarchy is about defining your own relationship path; you do not have to follow the well-trodden path of moving in, getting married, and having kids.

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All in all -

So there you have the guiding principles of relationship anarchy, the manifesto to follow if you wish to practice this increasingly popular philosophy.

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In reality -

Given the very nature of the philosophy, it is impossible to say exactly how the day-to-day life of a relationship anarchist will look.

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Examples -

It might look like choosing to live with multiple romantic and platonic partners in the same household, with everyone sharing domestic and financial responsibilities.

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Sky's the limit -

Or it may look like choosing to have children with a platonic, rather than a romantic, partner. It can look however you want, so go boldly.

Sources: (MindBodyGreen) (Shape)

See also: What is relationship OCD?

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