The hard truth about domestic violence -

It could happen to a neighbor, a co-worker, an employee, or a friend. In fact, it could happen to anyone, at any time or place. While domestic violence is widely talked about and seen in movies and television, there are still plenty of myths and misconceptions surrounding it. Unfortunately, these misunderstandings can make it difficult for survivors to know when they're being abused or when to seek help.

This lack of understanding can also keep people close to the survivor from picking up on important clues that their loved one needs help. So to understand the complex issue of domestic violence, keep reading this gallery.  

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It's not easy to leave -

Survivors may fear for their safety or the safety of their children and other loved ones if they leave an abusive relationship. 

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Love can make it harder to leave -

Like any other relationship, one that ends in abuse begins with falling in love. Abuse rarely starts at the beginning of a relationship. When it's already established, it's often harder to leave.

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Domestic abuse doesn't always include physical violence -

Domestic abuse can also include coercive control, psychological and/or emotional abuse, sexual abuse, financial abuse, harassment, stalking, and/or online or digital abuse.

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Alcohol and drugs aren't to blame -

Although substance abuse certainly influences aspects of domestic violence, the blame is always with the abuser. Addiction or impairment can quickly escalate a situation, but it's never an excuse.

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It's about controlling others -

Abusers don't become violent because they lose control of themselves, they use violence to gain control over others. 

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Domestic violence is common -

Regardless of education, marital status, religion, sexuality, or gender, domestic violence can happen in any relationship. In fact, an average of 24 people per minute are victims of rape, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner in the US alone. 

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An abusive partner can affect the children -

When a child witnesses domestic abuse, this is child abuse. And the effects are traumatic and long-lasting. 

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Women can also be abusers -

People of all genders and sexualities experience abuse. Male survivors and LGBTQ+ folks are less likely to report abuse or seek help, in part because many domestic violence services are targeted toward heterosexual women.

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It's not about provocation -

Saying the abused provoked the abuser is dangerous because it blames the abused and absolves the abuser. Abuse or violence of any kind is never the victim's fault. 

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People don't attract abusers -

Saying someone attracts or seeks out abusive partners is victim blaming. No personal history can explain or excuse an abuser's actions. 

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Domestic violence can kill -

In some cases, domestic violence incidents are fatal. Intimate partner homicide is the most common form of domestic and family homicide, with the majority involving a female victim.

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There's no "personality type" for domestic violence -

People with all kinds of personality traits experience and commit domestic violence. Domestic violence can occur with confident, shy, introverted, or extroverted people. Abuse is about power and control, not preying on a certain type of personality.

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False allegations about domestic abuse are extremely rare -

Believing that people lie about domestic violence is extremely damaging, as the fear of being called a liar deters many from reporting the abuse.

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Domestic violence isn't always obvious -

Because so much domestic violence happens in secret, survivors often feel responsible for hiding the abuse. Abusers might also gaslight their partners, causing them to question their version of reality and doubt whether they're actually experiencing the violence.

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Domestic abuse is a social issue -

Domestic abuse happens every single day all over the world, and affects mostly women of all ages, classes, and backgrounds. When domestic abuse is described as a "private family matter," the problem becomes minimized. 

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Abusers aren't necessarily mentally unwell -

Abuse and violence are a choice, and there's no excuse for them. Domestic abuse happens regardless of mental or physical health. 

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Some populations are more vulnerable than others -

Studies have found that transgender women are especially vulnerable to domestic violence. To complicate matters, they often face discrimination and stigma both from abusers and would-be support systems.

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A person witnessing abuse in childhood doesn't necessarily become an abuser -

Domestic abuse is prevalent throughout society, and because of this, many people have grown up witnessing domestic abuse. This doesn't mean they'll perpetrate domestic abuse in their own relationships.

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Abusers aren't violent in all their relationships -

Abusers can be caring friends and charismatic coworkers. In fact, presenting a good image to the community can be part of an abuser's strategy. A good reputation makes it less likely that their victim will be believed.

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Self-defense isn't abuse -

Reacting to one's abuser by screaming, yelling, hitting back, or defending oneself isn't abuse, no matter how the abuser is injured in the process. Domestic violence is a pattern of behavior, which is controlling or coercive. Reacting to being abused isn't the same thing.

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Love bombing is manipulation -

Victims of domestic abuse may have experienced phases of the relationship that included love bombing. This includes being lavished with attention, sometimes gifts, and promises of changed behavior by their abuser. These tactics are intended to influence and manipulate the survivor in order to control them. 

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Couples counseling isn't the answer -

Couples counseling is based on the idea that the two people have similar agendas and goals. In counseling sessions, both share responsibility for the relationship. However, in a situation of domestic violence, the responsibility for the violent behavior rests with the abuser.

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Domestic violence and its effects -

Apart from physical harm, the effects of domestic violence can be long-lasting, and can impact and damage a survivor's emotional and mental health. 

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A mental toll -

The heavy emotional and mental toll of domestic violence can affect survivors with feelings of depression, shame, isolation, and embarrassment. 

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Mental and physical health -

Some studies also indicate that survivors may suffer from anxiety, have higher rates of PTSD, and may also experience increased rates of chronic pain and physical impairment. Other effects can include frequent panic attacks, nightmares, and emotional withdrawal.

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The hard truth about domestic violence -

The long-term effects of domestic violence on its survivors can be life-altering, and interfere with their future relationships, life choices, and careers.

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Healing from domestic violence -

Although not easy, the journey to recovery is within reach and sustainable. Working with a mental health professional can help survivors learn new ways of navigating their trauma. 

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Safety plans -

In addition to working through mental health symptoms, a qualified mental health professional can also help survivors create safety plans for separating from their abusers. They'll also get resources for support throughout the process. 

Sources: (Verywell Mind) (Women's Aid) (National Domestic Violence Hotline)

See also: Signs that you are in a toxic relationship

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