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Reasons your child won't listen -

There are many reasons why your child isn't listening. Dive deeper into the 13 main reasons in the following slides.

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Your child feels disconnected -

Your child might not listen or communicate with you because they feel disconnected. Having a strong relationship with your child is important. Try spending 10 more minutes with them each day.

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Your child doesn't want to stop what they're doing -

If a child is engrossed in a certain activity, they may not want to listen to you as they are busy having fun. If you are short on time, use activities that are easier to transition out of.

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Your child didn't hear you -

When a child is caught up in something it can be difficult for them to save space to listen to you as the parent. Ensure when you do speak to them that you have their full attention.

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Your child doesn't have a complete grasp of time -

Children of all ages, but especially very young ones, often have a hard time with the concept of time. Be sure to utilize visual reminders or timers. Also, if you say you'll be there in a minute, stick to it.

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Your child doesn't want to do the task -

If your child is seemingly not listening, it may be that they actually just don't want to do the task you're requesting. Prompt them to share why this task feels daunting or share ways the task could be completed.

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Your child can't remember multiple instructions -

Young children often can't remember or have a hard time executing multi-step instructions. Be sure you are clearly and concisely breaking down the task at hand into simpler pieces.

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Your child wants to do a favored activity instead -

Your child is motivated by their interests, so they may not want to do a task you requested because they are busy doing something they actually like. 

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Your child has been conditioned to wait until you yell -

Having to repeatedly ask your child to do something can instill bad habits in him or her. Even worse is if you yell to get your way. This will teach the child to do the same. Try to make clear, concise requests of your child.

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Your child doesn't like being reminded -

Repeating a phrase like "Pick up your shoes, please" can cause a child to ignore you. Try rewording and being purposeful with your requests. Also, consider using a visual chart of their positive behaviors or activities.

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Your child feels judged by your language and repeated requests -

Using negative language that judges your child can make them feel shamed and, therefore, much less likely to listen. Try a more collaborative approach where, instead of ultimatums, you offer help.

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You don't listen to your child, so your child doesn't want to listen to you -

Communicating with your child goes both ways. You must listen to them if you want them to listen to you. Children, like adults, want to feel seen and understood.

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You and your child don't understand each other's needs -

Your child is simply trying to meet a need when they are doing something you don't want them to. For example, they may be jumping on the bed. Their actual need is for fun and movement, so if you don't want them jumping on the bed specifically, provide another safe space for them to expend some energy.

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Your child needs more autonomy -

Children often choose to not listen because they need more autonomy. Just like adults, they want to have a say in what they value and do. Once they are more autonomous, then they'll likely listen more.

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What to do -

If your child isn't listening to you, fret not. There are ways in which you can better connect with them and subsequently have them listen more. Check out the following slides for ideas.

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Be specific -

If you are setting big, multiple-step goals for them it can get very confusing. Try using very simple and clear instructions that focus on one task at a time.

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Mirror habits -

Be sure you are choosing positive behaviors as your kiddo is always watching. If you don't listen, then what do you think the chances are that they will?

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Be patient -

Patience is a virtue, especially with your child. Try showing them it is okay to stumble and there are ways to continue forward. Encourage them to keep listening and trying.

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Stay calm -

Staying calm when things don't go as planned or when your child doesn't listen is key to their development. If you get frustrated and start yelling, they will likely shut down and refuse to listen even more.

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Praise good behaviors -

Praising your child when they do something you asked of them is a good way to encourage this behavior to occur again. 

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Listen to them -

Be sure to listen to your child even when you're busy. Listening to them shows them you care and encourages them to listen to you, even when they are busy or engaged. 

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Understand their developmental stage -

Be sure you think about where your child is developmentally speaking. While not every child matures the same, if a child is much younger, try simpler requests and slightly increase the difficulty as the child matures.

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Establish consistent routines -

Consistency helps children know what's expected of them. While they still must listen to receive relevant information, they generally know what's expected of them.

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Give them choices -

To help your child avoid decision paralysis and not listening to you, give them two choices. Do they want to do this or that? It gives the illusion of choice and empowers your child to decide for themselves.

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Use visual aids and reminders -

Your child may be a more visual learner so visual aids and reminders could help them listen, remember, and do the thing you requested of them.

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Address underlying emotions -

To help ensure your child is listening, address any underlying emotions they may be experiencing. By creating an open and safe space for them to share their emotions, they will learn to trust you and listen to you better.
Sources: (Psychology Today) (PyschCentral)
See also: Teaching kids good manners: politeness in everyday life

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