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Invited -

Do you like to feel included? There's nothing better than hitting respond on an invite to something all your friends will be attending.

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Dread -

But for many people, the excitement is short-lived. Once the initial dopamine hit of responding "yes" wears off and the event draws closer, a sense of dread might set in. 

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Dread -

Perhaps you've already said yes to too many things that week without meaning to. Or maybe the idea of the event was more appealing than the reality of going.

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Overextended -

It's easy to become overextended because of a busy week at work, commitments at home, or saying yes to too many other things during the week. 

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Overextended -

Time is a finite resource and you might find yourself wanting to cancel as the event draws closer. You might leave your decision until the very last minute and be motivated by either FOMO (fear of mission out) or JOMO (joy of missing out).

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Team FOMO (fear of mission out) -

Team FOMO are motivated by an aversion of feeling like they are going to miss out. They can't stand the thought of seeing everyone's good time the next day via social media and wishing they had gone.

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Team JOMO (joy of missing out) -

Team JOMO on the other hand, find a sense of joy in missing out. They might even feel a bit smug as they revel in their sense of comfort and relaxation, happy they didn't have to exert themselves to socialize.

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Basing happiness on others -

There's a problem with both ends of the missing out spectrum: the happiness of those who feel FOMO and JOMO depends on other people.

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Relationship quality -

It's no secret that maintaining friendships can improve our lives, as far as adding extra years. However, the quality of those relationships is the differentiator.

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Relationship quality -

Where friendships bring up negative emotions, like anxiety, they might not be adding to your life. Instead, they could be having a stressful impact.

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Other's perception -

Humans have relied on being part of a social group as part of our evolution to survive. It's normal to care about what others think about us.

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Other's perception -

However, it becomes dysfunctional when we begin to make conclusions about ourselves and our worthiness based on what others' perceptions of us might be.

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What FOMO means -

People who tend to suffer from FOMO, whether they realize it or not, hold the belief that their attendance of an event is tied to their self-worth.

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What FOMO means -

They unconsciously believe that if they don't attend something, their social status within the group will become threatened. 

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Higher stress -

As a result, missing out gives them a sense of anxiety. People who suffer FOMO generally have high stress levels, and are more likely to depressed and experience sleep interruptions.

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Social media effect -

Social media can make the feeling of FOMO a lot more heightened, as you can compulsively check if you "missed out" on anything and feel regret all over again.

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What JOMO means -

On the flipside, someone with JOMO gets a dopamine high from cancelling plans. They love to feel the hit of instant relief they get when they decide not to show up.

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What JOMO means -

It's also a good strategy for people who haven't been included in plans for whatever reason, as it can help them to reframe the reality of not being invited.

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What JOMO means -

When it's not healthy is when it's being used to mask a kind of social anxiety that cuts you off from feeling connection. Ironically, JOMO can make that anxiety worse as you repeatedly reinforce it.

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Isolation -

Constantly isolating yourself can lead to unwanted feelings like depression and loneliness. It's all too easy for repeated JOMO to end up becoming a habit that's hard to shake, leaving you spending a lot of time alone.

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Craving connection -

It's completely normal to crave connection, to feel considered and included. Having the sense that you're missing out if you can't attend something once in a while is normal.

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Needing space to recharge -

Likewise, modern life is busy and stressful. Sometimes we have to prioritize ourselves and our wellbeing, and that can look like missing out on social time to recharge by ourselves.

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Consistently having FOMO or JOMO -

It's good to be mindful of when things begin to get out of balance, however. If you're feeling an overwhelming sense of FOMO or JOMO, it might be time to examine where it's coming from.

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Obligated -

If you feel obligated to attend every single social event you're invited to, there might be some deeper emotion that needs to be worked through.

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Cancelling -

Likewise, if you find yourself constantly canceling, is it because of a burgeoning social anxiety? Or perhaps there's something in your life that you'd like to avoid sharing with others?

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Finding inner peace -

Finding inner peace and internal happiness is the best way to know if you're approaching events with others from a place of fear or anxiety.

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Finding inner peace -

By getting in touch with yourself and your true emotions through reflection and spending time on hobbies that make you feel good, you grow your sense of self.

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Forget excuses or feeling obligated, just do you -

Someone with a strong sense of self doesn't need to make excuses one way or the other and doesn't feel obligated to take part in things. When you feel more comfortable in your own skin, FOMO and JOMO won't be a common occurrence.

Sources: (Well + Good) (Hedepy) (Psychology Today)

See also: Social situations that introverts dread

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