There are many things that a couple can do to stay in touch with each other while they are apart. It’s about framing it as an opportunity to learn to be apart.
If modern technology has displayed an ability to do anything in the past decade, it’s that we can use it to build and maintain human relationships online.
Gottlieb adds that people in long-distance relationships can end up communicating verbally even more than those who live together because the couple who live together might sit in a room silently together.
Besides chatting through the various hangout platforms like Skype, streaming services like Netflix allow people to hang out in a virtual space while watching shows or movies together.
Maybe you’re into health and fitness, in which case you can use technology to share fitness goals and performances.
According to Gottlieb, a big factor in communicating well in a good long-distance relationship relies on sharing details rather than just generalizations.
This may mean saying what you ate at dinner, who was there, what you spoke about, and how it made you feel, rather than just saying you went for dinner.
And being apart is a healthy thing. The old phrase is based on truth, at least for couples who are infatuated. “When people meet and are infatuated with each other, it is generally thought that the initial surge of emotion lasts longer when the couple is separated,” believe Dr. Phillip Lee and Dr. Diane Rudolph, the co-heads of Couples Therapy at Weill Cornell Medicine.
“Eventually there is a risk of decreasing affection, and for those who are beyond the infatuation phase, there is a greater risk in separation, but also a greater potential benefit,” says Lee. This is why it’s ultra-important to schedule a time to see each other.
Landing on the right amount of communication is key. People need to be honest about their need for communication, and respect the other's needs as well. For example, we don’t want to neglect or smother a partner with texts.
The good news is that most people get this part right. According to a 2013 study from the Journal of Communication, couples are less likely to feel trapped when they are in a long-distance relationship.
Coming back to a previous point, it’s advised to take the distance as an opportunity. As people will have more time apart, maybe they can take the opportunity to meet new, interesting people and learn new things—things that they can bring to the relationship.
"You have more alone time than people who live in the same city do, so you’re very excited to see each other and value the time you do spend together,” says Gottlieb.
According to Bela Gandhi, the founder of Smart Dating Academy, people need to be sure and prepared to forego other relationships. They need to be 100% committed.
Gandhi points out that people should be careful during their college/university years. She has seen many people waste away their college years “going through the motions” in a long-distance relationship.
There are a million and one reasons to not be in a long-distance relationship, so it can be useful to at least consider an alternative.
Gandhi points out that there should be an end goal, a point where a couple can be physically together. This may mean planning to work in the same city together eventually.
It's useful to explore questions like: "What city will you live in? Are you both planning for it? Are you applying to jobs in the same places?"
“It’s hard being apart, so you both have to be equally committed to the relationship and be on the same page about how long this situation will last, and what the plan is for eventually living in the same place,” says Gottlieb.
In a long-distance relationship, since your time together is often shorter than it ought to be, it’s even more important to plan to do new and exciting things together. These shared experiences are how you’ll grow closer together.
Insecurity causes all kinds of problems in every relationship. It can lead to things like one partner sabotaging the relationship. Excessive calls, texts all through the night, and unnecessary tension are just some of the results.
"The constructive reason couples communicate is to provide their partners with a sense of their lives and what’s important to them. When the communication is hijacked by insecurity, the anxious partner will not be reassured, and the other partner will be turned off by the constant checking in,” warn Lee and Rudolph.
Being clear about the rules is key. There shouldn’t be any significant secrets. No partner should be doing something they wouldn’t want the other to see on social media, for instance.
In the spirit of both partners feeling secure, we should avoid behavior that would make the other partner feel uncomfortable or threatened.
This should all be done within the constraints of the previous point regarding communication. We shouldn’t need to check in our partner before every interaction, for example.
Couples should have realistic expectations about getting into a long-distance relationship (as they should with any relationship). Will you be together once one of you finishes school, for instance?
In the words of Ryan Gosling’s character Noah in ‘The Notebook’ (2004) when expressing his love and wish to have Allie in his life forever, “So it's not gonna be easy. It's going to be hard; we're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, every day. You and me... every day.”
It’s more common than not that people will need advice, emotional support, and even professional help when considering entering or exiting one of these relationships, and even all through them, too. Don’t be afraid to reach out to loved ones, friends, or a professional if it becomes too much.
Sources: (Relish) (Time)
See also: Celebrity couples who made their long distance relationships work
Whether it be different cities, different countries, or even being separated by schedules, long-distance relationships (LDR) are a difficult thing to navigate. They won’t work for every couple, but they do for some. The point is recognizing that long-distance relationships come with their own set of unique challenges.
People in these relationships have to find time for one another while making time for their own social lives and also setting boundaries. To avoid the most common problems that people in LDRs face, it can be helpful to know what the pitfalls are in advance. And who better to identify these points than the experts? To read up on advice about how to keep a healthy long-distance relationship, click through this gallery.
Expert advice for long-distance relationships
Know what to expect, and what to avoid
LIFESTYLE Couples
Whether it be different cities, different countries, or even being separated by schedules, long-distance relationships (LDR) are a difficult thing to navigate. They won’t work for every couple, but they do for some. The point is recognizing that long-distance relationships come with their own set of unique challenges.
People in these relationships have to find time for one another while making time for their own social lives and also setting boundaries. To avoid the most common problems that people in LDRs face, it can be helpful to know what the pitfalls are in advance. And who better to identify these points than the experts? To read up on advice about how to keep a healthy long-distance relationship, click through this gallery.